Illuminati-R-Us

by **pmcolt** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 8:50 pm

You cruise all over town in your shiny new Tesla roadster, complete with everything from electric MP3 player to adjustable floor mats. After years of this, scientists discover that one of the chemicals in the floor mats causes an odd brain condition known as woo-woo-ism. It is incurable.

In the spirit of Christmas, I wish:
The Michikids had a lifetime supply of duct tape and ladies' underwear.
KOS had a million free 1st-class airline miles and a gremlin detector
teri tait had a new Tesla Roadster with all the bells and whistles
umop had a new tattoo
Enzo had a new punning dictionary
Arneb had a new time zone and a shiny brass whistle
Heid the ba' had self-determination and a copy of the revised American rulebook for Mornington Crescent
Lance had a towel and a new llama brush

(Yeah, you don't want me shopping for you.)

by **Capt. Moosedoom** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 5:36 am

your christmas list was lost in the mail

I wish I could see bobby tommorrow in person for longer than a few hours.

by **teri tait** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 8:44 pm

Bobby calls and tells you he can be with you all day every day forever. Overjoyed you go and meet him your Bobby only to find Bobby Fisher setting up his chess board. You are forced to spend eternity getting your ass beat at chess and he heckles you everytime you lose.

I wish I didn't have to go to the Post Office today.

by **pmcolt** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 8:42 am

In order to compete with the commercial carriers, USPS is implementing a new service - the omnipresent mailman. From now on, a mailman constantly follows you everywhere you go, 24-7, so that he may be there to take care of any of your postal needs.

I wish my Christmas shopping were done.

by **teri tait** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 10:29 pm

You buy a box of cookies from an innocent looking girl scout who steals your identity from the order form and goes on a Christmas shopping spree with your credit cards. Since you have no ready cash, you break open the cookie box and wrap each cookie individually as a gifts for your friends. Your shopping is completed in record time.

I wish I could assasinate my target in the assasination game today.

by **pmcolt** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 1:24 am

You were so preoccupied in taking down your victim that you failed to notice the countersniper lining you up in his crosshairs.

I wish it would rain ketchup over Lance's place.

by **hippietrekx** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 2:29 am

It hits Lance Armstong's house.

I wish I had a good method of making the ketchup rain on Uncle Lance. :twisted:

by **Lance** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 5:48 am

You come up with a most spectacular way of drenching me and my whole neighborhood in ketchup, so you do it and I ban you from I-R-U for life.

I wish hippie wouldn't have made me ban her.

by **hippietrekx** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 5:24 am

You didn't ban me, you scarred me for life.

I wish this new mental anguish would go away! :cry:

by **Lance** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 5:38 am

Your mental anguish suddenly vanishes, only to be replaced by ketchup.

I wish there was an extra week before Christmas.

by **hippietrekx** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 5:47 am

New Year's disappears.

I wish I had my X-mas shopping done already. :roll:

by **Ronoh55** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 1:55 am

you do...but everyones gonna hate you for getting lumps of coal for them

i wish i could get this meatloaf song out of my head

by **Lance** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 3:07 am

Okay, it moves to your stomach. Now, everywhere you go people think you're either hungry or have bad gas.

I wish Cyndi's PC would have blown a hard drive earlier today.

by **Ronoh55** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 2:05 pm

your wish in itself is corrupt...so granted

i wish the room my computer is in wasnt so damn cold!

by **Lance** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 2:09 pm

Lance wrote:I wish Cyndi's PC would have blown a hard drive earlier today.

ACK! I meant wouldn't have. It did, and now I have to fix it, and spend money to do so.

Okay, back to your regularly scheduled game.

</off topic>

by **Arneb** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 11:16 pm

Ronoh55 wrote:i wish the room my computer is in wasnt so damn cold!

It isn't any more, after it catches fire from your cigarette.

I wish the angry German kid weren't German :oops:

by **Мастер** » Mon Dec 18, 2006 3:12 am

He isn't German, and he isn't angry either. He is having a perfectly calm and rational discussion over the internet with Armin Meiwes.

I wish I hadn't forgotten my "I am not a terrorist" t-shirt on my last airplane flight.

by **pmcolt** » Mon Dec 18, 2006 4:25 am

You remembered it and wore it proudly to the airport. The security folks, seeing immediately that you weren't a terrorist, waved you straight through. Due to a completely unrelated mix-up, you ended up being seated in the middle of a youth soccer team, you got the vegan meal with extra-bland tofu, and your luggage was accidentally loaded on a plane bound for Maui.

I wish Lance would quit throwing my specially-labeled ketchup away when he cleans the IRU refrigerator.

by **teri tait** » Mon Dec 18, 2006 9:03 am

Lance reluctantly agrees to leave the hated ketchup in the IRU fridge. But he doesn't like being pressured to do so. In a fit of rage he whispers, "bon appetit" and hawks a loogie into to the ketchup before putting it back in the fridge.

I wish my cat would stop shedding.

by **Arneb** » Mon Dec 18, 2006 12:38 pm

Oh, it will, after they are all gone.

I wish I could see my baby son more often.

by **Мастер** » Mon Dec 18, 2006 2:51 pm

You do, and you notice he begins to behave like the kid in the video.

I wish I didn't have to see the dentist tomorrow.

by **teri tait** » Mon Dec 18, 2006 4:32 pm

You get to your appointment and find you won't be seeing your regular dentist because he's been called away for a dental emergency. Instead, you see his new assisstant dentist. A young nervous fellow who barely passed and is only working because his father hired him. You get to enjoy the screams of the patient before you while you wait and then the nervous assistant comes out covered in a fine mist of blood babbling that he knows what he did wrong and he's pretty sure how to avoid doing it again.

I wish I didn't have to get up so early.

by **Мастер** » Mon Dec 18, 2006 5:00 pm

You don't, but you do have to stay up late, to find me a new dentist now.

I wish United Airlines didn't suck.

by **Lance** » Mon Dec 18, 2006 5:03 pm

With the recent departure of Candy, UA now becomes the best airline in the world. It is the envy of all other air carriers everywhere, always arriving EARLY and with more luggage than you started with. But you can't fly them. You were barred for life for wearing a T shirt with Arabic text on it.

I wish all the stores weren't so busy with Christmas shoppers when all I need is a new hard drive.

by **teri tait** » Mon Dec 18, 2006 11:07 pm

You find an open Target store curiously devoid of shoppers, not a soul in sight. You wander uninhibited to the electronics section where you find all the customers/clerks lined up against the wall by robbers who proceed to mow them down while you watch in horror. They turn to you but instead of shooting, thrust their spent guns into your hands as they flee outside through the garden center. The police arrive only minutes later and order you to drop your weapons. You comply all the while insisting that you didn't do this heinus crime.
The police take you into to custody and proceed to beat you senseless, alleging you resisted them. All the while you are screaming you only wanted a hard drive. They tazor you to make you shut up.

I wish we could have a white christmas here in Sacramento.

Illuminati-R-Us

The Corrupt-A-Wish Game

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