Illuminati-R-Us

by **hippietrekx** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 3:28 am

She maimes you instead. (EWWW!)

I wish that essay would write its self...

by **umop ap!sdn** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 5:12 am

It does. In Czech.

I wish my shower drain weren't clogged.

by **Мастер** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 9:07 am

It isn't. The rattlesnake that had previously been in the drain, clogging it, has crawled out and up the curtain, and now lies in wait along the curtain road for an unsuspecting victim.

I wish I hadn't eaten that rather dodgy bit of food that had been in the refrigerator for a long time.

by **hippietrekx** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 3:25 pm

You put it in your ear instead.

I wish I had something to eat.

by **Мастер** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 4:39 pm

You do. Someone else ate it first, and didn't like it.

I wish the dead deer out on the road hadn't been hit.

by **umop ap!sdn** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 5:41 pm

It wasn't. The poor thing was abducted by aliens and its vital organs taken.

I wish I had an endless supply of plastic drinking cups.

by **St. Jimmy** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 7:29 pm

Tada! An endless supply of plastic drinking cups that are small enoucgh to fit comfortably on your thumb.

I wish I had some crackers.

by **pmcolt** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 9:23 pm

Keebler has kindly provided you with a sampler of their newest sensation: habanero-chocolate-anchovy-graham crackers.

I wish I understood this electromagnetics stuff so that I could do the homework. (Engineering electromagnetics was so much easier. We never had to do the derivations; we just had to be able to read them and apply the general solutions to our problems. :oops:

)

by **Мастер** » Sun Nov 05, 2006 4:37 pm

You do, but the homework was due three weeks ago.

I wish the door to this new apartment I took wasn't warped, so that it didn't take both hands to pull it shut and turn the lock.

by **umop ap!sdn** » Sun Nov 05, 2006 8:14 pm

Poof! The door is not warped, but the lock is screwy and just anyone can push it open from the outside. :shock:

I wish the low battery indicator LED on my mouse wouldn't complain so much. :P

by **Мастер** » Sun Nov 05, 2006 9:00 pm

It doesn't. The battery is so flat there is not even enough power for the LED.

I wish I hadn't had so many margaritas at lunch.

by **Lance** » Sun Nov 05, 2006 9:36 pm

Okay, you didn't. You had Carmelita instead, and your wife found out.

I wish I knew what I wanted to eat right now.

by **hippietrekx** » Sun Nov 05, 2006 9:48 pm

You want cardboard and tree bark.

I wish I didn't have this cold.

by **pmcolt** » Sun Nov 05, 2006 10:16 pm

You have mono instead.

I wish I knew how to cook so I could make something for dinner that didn't have the word "microwaveable" on the side of the box.

by **hippietrekx** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 2:44 am

You cook up some absolutely delicious food. That you're allergic to.

I wish my mom was back on 2nd shift...

by **Мастер** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 3:22 am

She is, and so are you.

I wish first class upgrades were available on my flight tomorrow morning.

by **pmcolt** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 11:37 pm

They are. You end up seated next to a businessman who considers it his duty to spread the gospel of the aliens from Zeta Reticuli.

I wish my homework would go do itself.

by **Lance** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 11:42 pm

Your homework does itself, then it does the dog, then it runs down the street trying to do all the neighbor kids. You discover tomorrow that it got all the answers wrong and your dog is pregnant.

I wish Bill wouldn't have just got his posting privileges revoked for being an asshole again.

by **hippietrekx** » Tue Nov 07, 2006 12:36 am

HE got them revoked for spamming instead.

I wish I had a shiny new nickel to call my own.

by **pmcolt** » Tue Nov 07, 2006 12:50 am

You have a shiny new slug of nickel, with a rather high radium impurity for no apparent reason.

I wish I had a shot with one of these hot country singer chicks gathering for the CMA awards tonight.

by **Lance** » Tue Nov 07, 2006 12:54 am

You get a shot, but find out she is already knocked up by your homework from your previous wish.

I wish I could get a fat and calorie free pizza that tasted really, really good.

by **pmcolt** » Tue Nov 07, 2006 1:06 am

I don't care how knocked up she is, as long as I get a chance to--oops, I mean...

You get a wonderful fat-free, zero calorie pizza that's high in flavor. Unfortunately, the olestra doesn't agree with you, and the sugar substitute used to cut calories is later found to cause loss of bladder control and uncontrollable urges to shout obscene insults at inopportune moments.

Hmm. I wish I had a shot with a non-knocked-up hot country singer chick. And... and! Not a chick who's hot because she's on fire, not a country singer chick with a jealous ex, not Gretchen Wilson, and not a country singer chick who used to be a dude. And by shot, I don't mean jello shot, grapeshot, or jumpshot. Screw that one up.

by **Dragon Star** » Thu Nov 09, 2006 9:50 pm

Granted, the next day you are diagnosed with untreatable Erectile dysfunction. That good enough for you, limpy?:twisted:

I wish Ashley would show up soon.

by **hippietrekx** » Fri Nov 10, 2006 3:27 am

She shows up. For the last time. Ever.

I WISH THE ESSAYS WOULD STOP BEING ASSIGNED!

by **pmcolt** » Mon Nov 13, 2006 5:15 am

From now on, instead of essays, you'll be writing a 150,000 word Great American Novel, suitable for publication. This project counts 1700% of your course grade, and the final draft is due on your teacher's desk by the end of the week.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I've been a stupid idiot who didn't do his homework.

Illuminati-R-Us

The Corrupt-A-Wish Game

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