Illuminati-R-Us

by **Capt. Moosedoom** » Wed May 06, 2009 10:17 pm

It goes well, if you are a cockroach, who were the only ones who survived the nuclear explosion over the school.

I wish I had pie...really good peanut butter pie...ugghhh

by **St. Jimmy** » Wed May 06, 2009 11:37 pm

You have it, but you can't eat because you got hit by a car while turning to go to a garage sale and so your jaw had to be wired shut.

I wish that my plans would actually work out for once

by **MM_Dandy** » Sat May 16, 2009 3:35 am

They do, but only because you plan to fail.

I wish my house would clean itself.

by **hippietrekx** » Thu May 21, 2009 9:08 pm

it does. out of existance...

I wish the UPS guy would show up when I'm home!

by **MM_Dandy** » Fri May 22, 2009 4:16 pm

He will tonight, while you are sleeping. Creepy, huh?

I wish I could form wormholes with my mind.

by **troubleagain** » Tue May 26, 2009 3:58 pm

You can, but you fall in, and come out in the age of the dinosaurs.

I wish I could win the lottery and buy a beach house.

by **hippietrekx** » Thu May 28, 2009 2:41 am

You do, but it's on Monserrat. (sp?)

I wish I could get rid of this headache that's been here for 4 days...

by **MM_Dandy** » Thu May 28, 2009 9:41 pm

Granted; all the nerve endings in your head no longer function.

I wish I could've thought up a better wish corruption than that.

by **Capt. Moosedoom** » Fri May 29, 2009 11:09 pm

( i thought that was a great corruption)

You did.

I wish I could marry this pie then I could be Mrs. Brittani This Pie.
http://musk-parfait.deviantart.com/art/Pie-62013225

by **pmcolt** » Mon Jun 01, 2009 1:32 am

You can, and you become Mrs. Brittani This Pie. However, your marriage is ruled unconstitutional by the state of Michigan, and due to your unusual name, you have trouble booking airline tickets or renting a hotel for the honeymoon. People constantly make American Pie jokes behind your back. Eventually the marriage sours, and the divorce proceedings are long and bitter.

I wish the garden slugs would stop eating my pepper plants.

by **MM_Dandy** » Tue Jun 02, 2009 5:51 pm

They will once all of your peppers are dead. Then they'll start on your potatos (potatoes?).

I wish I knew what Dan Quayle was doing these days.

(Thanks, Moose!)

by **hippietrekx** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 6:24 pm

You do, and in the process find out who Monica Lewinski's new beau is...

I wish my stipend check would come soon!

by **MM_Dandy** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:23 pm

Your stipend check comes in the mail this very day, and better yet, you see that there's an error in your favor! You pay off your student loans, buy yourself a car, and invite all your friends over for a party. While your dancing with the cutest boy, there's a knock at the door. Who could it be, you wonder? You open the door to find a nervous balding man with glasses that pinch his nose. "pmcolt is here!" you think. The man asks you "Are you hippietrekx?" and you say "You bet!" and he says "Mr. Pane, Internal Revenue Service."

I wish today would be tomorrow.

by **pmcolt** » Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:26 am

The rotation of the Earth temporarily speeds up dramatically so that the rest of today passes in the blink of an eye, and it is now tomorrow. Unfortunately, to explain this freak occurrence, we have to throw out conservation of angular momentum and half a dozen other ideas. Fortunately, we were all hurled off the planet and died horribly when the freak planetary spinning occurred, so no physics textbooks will have to be rewritten.

I wish my plants could get more sunlight.

by **troubleagain** » Mon Jun 22, 2009 2:38 pm

They can, because there is no shade ANYWHERE at your home now.

I wish I could get rid of the caterpillars eating my garden without using pesticide.

by **Мастер** » Mon Jul 20, 2009 4:46 pm

You can, but there is no way to get rid of the indigestion they cause.

I wish there were an easy way to get around jet lag.

by **troubleagain** » Tue Jul 21, 2009 3:04 pm

There is....no more traveling. Ever.

I wish I could make a living doing the things I love.

by **pmcolt** » Tue Jul 21, 2009 10:09 pm

You can make a living doing the things that you love, but then the government raises taxes on the things that you like.

I wish someone would invent a silent vacuum cleaner.

by **troubleagain** » Wed Jul 22, 2009 2:13 pm

They do, but cats and dogs all over the world are traumatized by the fact that they can't hear it coming.

I wish coffee didn't leave such a nasty taste in the mouth.

by **Capt. Moosedoom** » Sat Sep 26, 2009 4:26 am

instead of a nasty taste in your mouth it makes funny smells come out of your butt.

I wish I had a better phone.

by **pmcolt** » Mon Sep 28, 2009 6:05 am

You have a brand new, fully featured phone, but the monthly bill has to be delivered with a forklift.

I wish we could abolish time-zones and make jet-lag nonexistent.

by **Мастер** » Thu Oct 15, 2009 3:40 pm

You can, but people keep falling off the edges of the new, long, narrow, reconfigured earth.

I wish the people I spoke to a couple of weeks ago would get back to me about the job.

by **Capt. Moosedoom** » Wed Mar 24, 2010 7:31 pm

they do...but then while on the phone with you, the people who were considering you all die in a horrendous plane crash. Nobody knows you even interviewed.

I wish my new kittens weren't up in the rafters in my garage but were safe on the ground...I want to see.

by **Мастер** » Thu Mar 25, 2010 2:35 am

Your kittens are safe on the ground, right in front of the approaching lava flow.

I wish it were warmer here.

by **Capt. Moosedoom** » Thu Mar 25, 2010 2:46 am

Its warmer because the volcano erupted all over you.

I wish shua was here.

Illuminati-R-Us

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