Illuminati-R-Us

by **Capt. Moosedoom** » Sat May 26, 2007 4:25 am

a random dog rips it up and bites you, giving you rabies, many painful shots are administered.

I wish mike(friend unit) were on the computer.

by **pmcolt** » Mon May 28, 2007 6:30 pm

He was, but your computer crashed just before you could say anything.

I wish hot dogs and hot dog buns came in packages of equal number.

by **MM_Dandy** » Mon May 28, 2007 6:47 pm

They do. It just costs US$36 for the package.

I wish I had invented the internet.

by **umop ap!sdn** » Mon May 28, 2007 11:11 pm

Okay, you did but Al Gore still insists on taking credit. :P

I wish it weren't starting to get so damn hot outside.

by **pmcolt** » Tue May 29, 2007 2:26 am

Planet X finally emerges from behind the lens flare, does a loop around the sun, swings past Earth, and knocks the entire planet off-axis, so that your location is now buried a mile beneath the new icecap.

I wish the emoticons on the reply screen would stop staring, razzing, and rolling their eyes at me.

by **troubleagain** » Tue May 29, 2007 3:51 pm

They do, but then they fly off the page and start zooming around your head.

I wish I were still on vacation.

by **pmcolt** » Tue May 29, 2007 8:09 pm

You got lost on the way home, managed even to lose the road, and now you're stuck on a tropical beach with nothing but white sands and palm trees as far as the eye can see. You have absolutely no idea how to get back.

I wish we could get a little rain.

by **hippietrekx** » Wed May 30, 2007 3:09 am

A little girl named Rain shows up on your doorstep.

I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener!

by **Lance** » Wed May 30, 2007 3:50 am

You become a luscious, juicy, tasty hot dog, then someone puts ketchup on you.

I wish everyone knew ketchup on hot dogs is an abomination.

by **pmcolt** » Wed May 30, 2007 4:42 am

They now know that... along with many other mistaken beliefs, like "the Earth is flat", "planet X is coming", and "it's good luck to drive by Lance's place at 3am in a semi truck and blow the air horn".

I wish for a hot dog with ketchup. (That isn't hippietrekx.)

by **troubleagain** » Wed May 30, 2007 3:05 pm

You've got one, but it's one of those fat free turkey dogs.

I wish I had a cup of coffee.

by **pmcolt** » Wed May 30, 2007 4:32 pm

Poof. Exactly one cup of steaming hot, fresh brewed coffee appears in midair. However, you have no mug to catch it in, and it splatters all over the floor.

I wish for some paper towels to clean up the mess.

by **umop ap!sdn** » Thu May 31, 2007 4:16 pm

Paper towels appear out of nowhere and mop up the mess, but then they conspire to take out a hit on the coffee pot.

I wish there weren't broken glass, that used to be a coffee pot, scattered all over the floor.

by **pmcolt** » Fri Jun 01, 2007 6:30 pm

Gravity has suddenly, locally, reversed itself, and the broken glass is scattered all over the ceiling.

I wish the ceiling in here were designed so people could walk on it more easily.

by **umop ap!sdn** » Fri Jun 01, 2007 8:48 pm

They do but then they cut their feet on the broken glass.

I wish my voice were feeling up to par to go out karaokeing tonight.

by **hippietrekx** » Sat Jun 02, 2007 9:55 pm

Your voice is fine, but you're suddenly deaf!

I wish Jimmy would come over to play Euchre with me soon.

by **pmcolt** » Sun Jun 03, 2007 4:22 am

He comes over and plays Euchre with you soon... if you know what I mean.

I wish that idiots wouldn't pass me at 20 over the speed limit on a double-yellow line on the curvy road passing through my town every time I drive at night.

by **troubleagain** » Mon Jun 04, 2007 4:31 pm

They don't...they tailgate you instead.

I wish I had more self-discipline on this weight-loss effort!

by **Capt. Moosedoom** » Mon Jun 04, 2007 5:20 pm

lose all your fat and are nothing but bone

I wish I had money...

by **pmcolt** » Mon Jun 04, 2007 6:58 pm

You have exactly one dollar less than the amount you need to buy what you want, and no one will lend you more than 99 cents.

I wish someone would come up with a safe, inexpensive, environmentally sound bug repellent that didn't leave sticky residue on everything and didn't damage plastics and optics.

by **Capt. Moosedoom** » Mon Jun 04, 2007 7:43 pm

that person is me, I make millions, you don't. Eventually it causes skin cancer.

I wish my rock book was almost done.
(filler: I started a book with rock facts about random classic bands, so I can bone up in history, wooohooo)

by **umop ap!sdn** » Tue Jun 05, 2007 5:20 am

You now have written a rather encyclopedic volume on slate, basalt, obsidian, chert, gneiss, sandstone, limestone, pumice, etc, and it is almost finished - just 250 more pages to go.

I wish I weren't single.

by **troubleagain** » Tue Jun 05, 2007 3:23 pm

You're not, but....(well, hell, this one writes itself for any married person. ;) :lol:

) you wish you were.

I wish my office-mate didn't like it quite so warm in here.

by **pmcolt** » Tue Jun 05, 2007 5:32 pm

Your office-mate is now a penguin. The temperature has to be kept a notch below freezing, he can't get any work done because he has to waddle everywhere with an egg between his feet, and he keeps trying to huddle up to you for warmth.

I wish umop hadn't just done "I wish I weren't single", so that I could do that one.

by **Capt. Moosedoom** » Tue Jun 05, 2007 6:02 pm

Instead umop said "I wish I were single.", implying that she is in a terrible relationship. You ruined umops life. You ask the "I wish I were'nt single." question and amazingly have a significant other,...a talking cactus.

I wish I had an actual life.

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