Illuminati-R-Us

OK, you do, but they are the new prune flavor with sardine paste filling.

I wish my joints didn't ache today.

You're now locked in a vault containing hundreds of thousands of hostess cupcakes. And no milk.

{darn, Enzo beat me.}

Your joints don't ache today. But they ache even more tomorrow.

I wish I had something better to do than post here.

Fine you will Hire fat Britney Spears to be your warmth at night.

I wish someone else was on so I could post to 500.

Wish granted, but it is me.

I wish I could put what I really mean to say instead of what I say instead when in intelligent conversation...

sooo do I...I mean yes you will do that and in your intelligence will become internationally known and when you meet the president...will flick him off and say "fuck you America"

I wish I had more money.

Ok, but it is...correction was in the stock market.

I wish it would stop raining for a few days so I could mow the fields...

You will mow the feilds and be exhausted, losing many pounds and becoming a super model. During this time you will come to meet many movie stars because you will be cast into the new Star Wars Movie as one of Hans kids. Anyways, you will be at the premier and I will shoot you...because of my jealousy.

I wish George Lucas would make another SW movie.

Granted, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I wish I could watch a fight between Bruce Lee and Jet Li...

You will, but it turns out to be a chick-flick-type cat fight, which completely kills it.

I wish there was a torando nearby for me and my dad to go storm chasing.

edit to fix simulpost.

Granted, but one of the twisters sucks you up and carries you to a colorful land filled with vertically-challenged people who like to sing.

I wish I could attend my town's Independence Day celebration.

Granted, then the aliens come and blow you up with their very large laser beams.

I wish I could get laid by a very hot woman, with no diseases or extra appendages.

Granted but you're caught by her husband.....Oliver Stone.

I wish I could run a 5 minute flat mile.

As you're crossing the finish line at exactly five minutes, you trip and fall down a suspiciously-placed cliff face. You'll require months of rehab before you can run again.

I wish I had a ham sandwich, deli sliced ham, on toasted homemade bread, with two slices of swiss cheese, a slice of monterey jack, and mustard. The yellow mustard from the squirt bottle; not that pretentious brown stuff. Sliced diagonally downward from left to right. And served with a fresh coke.

Granted, on the worlds largest conveyor belt. :P

I wish I could see the future...

Alright, bnut you see it involves you turning gay and dating me.

I wish I had some ice cream

Ok, but it's boiling hot

I wish I had the chance to meet Jimmy, hiccups, and mooseicus...

You do meet us, but don't realize it's us.

I wish I didn't have to get off the computer.

Ok, you don't because you've become glued to the keyboard and can no longer move your arms to give me hugs or "Movie theater" moosedoom.

I wish my birthdays were more interesting...

Granted, I will bring 12 monkeys to your house and watch them go ape shit all over the place.

I wish hippie would put me on the heart list...

Ok, but you're #87.2, right next to butter at #87. :P (No, seriously, you're on there now. You just happen to be far below Ketchup, socks, chess, Obi-Wan, Lonewulf, Ducky (and his hair), and Pong. You're one of a list of 139... Um... Thingies. Scratch that. 140 thingies. I just added Lance at #60.1, right next to IRU at #60)

I wish I would hurry up and type the complete heart list and all of it's insanity for other people to see...

Alright but you type it so fast your hand falls off making it impossible to stop me from getting 2's and 3's. MWWWUHAHAHAHAHA

I wish I was even more eVil.

Sure, but then you take an uncanny resemblance to Dr. Evil himself.

I wish I had a larger LCD monitor...

Alright, but it's so large that you can't see more than 1/50 of it at a time.

I wish Jimmy would have remembered to make a wish...

Ok,but you won't like the wish.

I wish I was dating hippie.