Illuminati-R-Us

D'Oh

I wish I could tell my wish, but if I tell it, it will not come true.

You didn't tell your wish and somebody doesn't corrupt it so it would have come true given you gave a wish.

I wish the corrupt a wish game would go worldwide, stimulating the minds of whomever wishes to ruin others wishes.

It does, and you discover that you are the most fanatasized-over person for those inclined to corrupt others' wishes.

I wish I could become a resident of the country I am in right now.

you do and then you get a work order that puts you out of the country for 10 years.

I wish I didn't know who won americas next top model.

You don't know. After the lightening strike took out the television and all other electronic appliances in your home, and knocked out the garage door opener with the car still inside, you have no way of receiving any news about anything at all.

I wish I didn't have a cold.

You don't have a cold, just a very large monster with 15 eyes, green fur, and long claws attached to your head.

I wish the monster was friendly.

The monster is friendly, and obedient too. It does whatever I tell it, including attack the person who corrupted my wish.

I wish Lt. Moosedom would post more often.

I do, but then I'm the only one to answer my posts.

I wish I wasn't going to be so lonely.

You aren't lonely at all. The 75 loud obnoxious whining people surrounding you are a constant reminder that you are not alone.

I wish the retarded monkey from another branch office weren't visiting next week.

It doesn't because it is one of the annoying whining people keeping me happy and occupied.

I wish my tuition were paid.

Your tuition is paid, by Goodfellas EZ Credit, an Unimited Liability (for you) Corporation.

I hope Lt. Moosedoom keeps her new creditors happy.

I do, but for some reason Lance comes up missing....

I wish Lance was found.

You find him, but he needs a shower and a dozen cups of coffee before he is ready to post ...

I wish this board was displayed in 3-D Sensovision. {not really}

It is, and you suffer from terrible headaches.

I wish you would watch the movie Tangled.

He does, but becomes hopelessly obsessed with the Tangled fantasy world (ala Avatar). Sadly, it takes years of intense therapy to bring KLA2 back to reality.

I wish for nice weather (above freezing) here soon.

The weather is Dandy, but the rapid change in temperature caused you to be infested with Spattergroit.

I wish it wasn't so contagious.

The wizards at Hogwart's conjure up a vaccine which renders Spattergroit incontagious - however, it also makes you imaginary.

I wish I had packed a lunch for today.

You did, but forgot your lubchbag.

I wish I had those monkey butlers.

Really? I mean, doesn't that wish corrupt itself? Monkeys fling their poo.

I really wish I had packed a lunch but forgot to bring it. That way, I wouldn't have to pack a lunch for tomorrow.

You did. Except tomorrow is Saturday, and by Monday, it has gone bad.

I wish scientists would discover a new life form in MM Dandy's spoiled lunch.

They do, they call it call it mactep.

I wish the best show ever was in tv.

It is, in your TV. Unfortunately, you cannot get it out to see it.

I wish the major snowfall coming tomorrow would fall elsewhere.

It does - it falls in Quebec City, sending hordes of French separatist refugees to Burlington, Ontario. They settle permanently, Ontario becomes a French majority province, secedes from Canada, and makes French the official language.

I wish KLA2 spoke French better.

<Assuming here KLA2 does not speak French, or at least not very well, but I don't know that for sure.>

He does. It's his only fluent language actually. But then all the French people are pushed out by big strong America after the Canadians who dislike the French language offer us all of their moosy Services.

I wish he could speak english again. :(

KLA2 can speak English again, and sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger while doing so.

I wish Moose's job didn't involve listening to KLA2's Schwarzenegger English all day long.