Illuminati-R-Us

Everything you move mentally comes flying at you very quickly.

I wish the remote control system I bought for our living room lighting worked more consistently.

Wish granted, but as soon as the consistency reaches perfection the system gets a short, catches fire and burns your house down.

I wish I could get cable Internet instead of dial-up!

Alright but the price of cable internet skyrockets rendering you bankrupt.

Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Weiner.....

Okay, but someone doused you with ketchup making you completely unappealing.

I wish they would make ketchup-proof hotdogs

yes but then people will douse their hotdogs ini mustard(ewww)

i wish I had a bunch of cool unopened star wars ...stuff

You do, but it's cool because it was all carved out of dry ice which means you have to store it in liquid nitrogen.

I wish I had an endless supply of limeade.

Ok, but it falls out of the cabinet and kills you dead.

I wish I had some grape juice right now.

You do, but it's mixed with everyonther kind of juive known to man.

I wish I could get my eyebrow pierced.

Ok, but it gets infected and your face has to be cut off, making flirting quite hard to do.

I wish I wouldn't have taken that nap today...

Alright, but now sleep for too long tonight and miss driver's ed. because you slept in.

I wish I didn't have to make up a driver's ed class.

Ok, you never get your licesne.

I wish my Sega was connected to the TV...

Sure, but watch out, the glue is still wet.

I wish I had the woman of my dreams...

Ok, but I'm nuts, you know.

I wish I weren't so nutty...

Ok you're no longer a "nut" but are still crazy.

I wish I didn't have my dad's name.

You don't, as you discover what you thought was your name was actually just a nickname, and your real name is Beauregard Poindexter.

I wish I had slept more than three hours last night.

Okay, you slept for 27 hours and missed a whole day.

I wish for Whirled Peas

Presto! The peas are in the centrifuge whirling but the cap flies off and now you have pea soup all over your walls.

I wish a Liberatrian President is elected in '08 and sworn into office.

A Libertarian president will be sworn into the American presidency next time around, but the US will adopt a parliamentary system with a ceremonial presidency, and the prime minister will be a statist.

I wish the force of gravity would be reduced so that I could change a tire without using a jack.

Gravity is lessened so much that you now need bungees to keep the car down.

I wish the voices would stop.

The voices do stop... and now you see dancing hand gestures wherever you go.

I wish I could get into writing more.

Ok, but now you write so much your hand falls off.

I wish I didn't have a cold in the middle of June.

OK, then it gets replaced with the Flu.

I wish I had an actual love back into my life...

Ok, but she lives in Guatamala.

I wish my sleeping habits would find some pattern.

Okay, you now sleep 4 hours every 32 hours.

I wish tribbles were real.

Ok, but you get to groom them.

I wish I had a lightsaber.