Illuminati-R-Us

I always like waxing nostalgic. And believe me, my nostalgic is really shiny.

SO maybe I can make it a game.

You know you're getting old when:

SOmeone says "Columbine" and you think of President Eisenhower's plane.

You know why you "dial" the phone.

You know what "carriage return" means on a keyboard.

Thaty group of old farts at the next table keep talking about their bowel movements, and you want to say right on instead of shut up.

Music doesn't make any sense.

You wonder why they still think wearing their hats backwards is cool.

You think the speed limit is OK.

Suspenders seem like a good idea, not a fashion statement.

You DO remember the Pueblo.

You know who Howdy Doody was. And Buffalo Bob.

And Princess Summerfall Winterspring. (Ooh, what a hottie.)

You remember when mail boxes and mail trucks were olive green.

You know who was the King of the Wild Frontier.

You know Slim Pickins is not a situation.

You remember real TV.

You think twice before taking the stairs down four floors, even if taking the elevator means waiting 10 minutes.

# You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
# Your back goes out more often than you do.
# You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
# You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck.
# You're proud of your lawn mower.
# Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.
# Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
# You sing along with the elevator music.
# You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
# You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
# You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
# People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
# You answer a question with, "Because I said so."
# You send money to PBS.
# The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
# You take a metal detector to the beach.
# You know what the word "equity" means.
# You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
# Your ears are hairier than your head.
# You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
# You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
# You got cable for The Weather Channel.
# You can go bowling without drinking.
# You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

Oh, DS, you don't know how true some of those are!

When a weekend when you have nothing to do is considered awesome.

When you find yourself quoting your parents.

"Dammit, I'm not your maid."

When you find yourself explaining what Bugs Bunny is to your nieces and nephews. (WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!)

Enzo wrote:When you find yourself quoting your parents.

"Dammit, I'm not your maid."

When you look in the mirror and see your mom (or dad, as the case may be.)

When the women at the dinner table are talking about how bloated they've been feeling, and you can relate.

When you expect to be the next in the family to die (as my dad thinks).

When people don;t get "Donner Party" jokes.

When you sing, "Felix the cat. The wonderful,wonderful cat..." and get blank looks.

When you remember when there were zones instead of Zip codes.

When your older phongraph records... (wait)

When you have phongraph records.

(OK...Now)

When your older phonograph records are "mono."

I have some LP's, Enzo. I think some of them might even be mono. :D

When ibuprofen is part of a balanced breakfast....

When you know what magic fingers were.

And that they are not related to jazz hands.

When you drop in on your old high school's homecoming game, see the varsity cheerleaders, and think, "cute kids."

When sitting down in a chair also takes effort, and standing up from a chair can't be accomplished without a groan, a sigh, a crack of the joints, or some other bodily noise.

When it's three o'clock in the morning, the beer is flowing, the music is playing, the bass is thumping... and your first thought is "stupid punk kids!" instead of "awesome party!"

When you see no need to upgrade your five year old mobile phone... which you didn't want in the first place.

When college students address you as "mister", and your answers to their questions often begin with "See, back in my day..."

When your conversations with friends tend to gravitate towards home ownership, stock portfolios, and various aches and pains, rather than girls, gadgets, and getting drunk.

When none of the "kids" in your life are actually *children* anymore.

HAH! The wife is always griping that the cell phone she got me sits in my pocket turned off most of the time.

You *want* to get out and exercise, but your knees say NO.

When you find yourself thinking, man if I had this line of BS back when I was 20... watch out ladies.

When it gets harder and harder to remember to

Ha-ha! When you switch to velcro-fastened shoes, because it's difficult to bend down there long enough to tie your shoes.

When you start to refer to the house staff doctors as "the lads".

When you realize no one else knows who Euell Gibbons was.

When you DO know who Euell Gibbons was.

When you get out of bed feeling the best you'll feel all day, and that's damned depressing...

When you have lunch with someone fifteen years your junior, who complains that certain career opportunities are closed to her because she is too old :(

When skin-cancer screenings become an annual ritual...