Updated Nursery Ryhmes

[Lianachan]

I was vaguely amused by this when I saw it on that internet they have now.

[Enzo]

Lo 60 some years ago, my mother had a favorite little rhyme.

Mary had a little lamb
She put it on a shelf
And every time it wagged its tail
It smacked its little self.



Hey, it was my mom, what can I say?

[Lance]

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor doggy a bone
But when she bent over the doggy took over
and gave her a bone of his own.

[Enzo]

OK then:

In days of old
When knights were bold
And girls weren't too particular
They'd stand them up
Against the wall
And fuck 'em perpendicular


Or:

In days of old
When knights were bold
And rubbers weren't invented
They'd wrap a sock
Around their cock
And babies were prevented.


When I was a kid ther was a whole series of days of old jokes, I only recall those two.

[Lance]

When I was a kid ther was a whole series of days of old jokes, I only recall those two.

In days of old
We have been told
When Enzo was a youngster
His group of blokes
Told many jokes
Now lost in his brain's dumpster.

[Мастер]

In days of old
We have been told
When Enzo was a youngster
His group of blokes
Told many jokes
Now lost in his brain's dumpster.

[Enzo]

Oh yeah??? WHy when I was a kid we... oooh, SHINY....

[Arneb]

Frau Wirtin hat auch einen Schrank
Aus dem es ganz bestialisch stank.
Drin wahrte sie die Rüben,
mit denen sie zu rJugenzeit
die Onanie betrieben.

[Lance]

Frau Wirtin hat auch einen Schrank
Aus dem es ganz bestialisch stank.
Drin wahrte sie die Rüben,
mit denen sie zu rJugenzeit
die Onanie betrieben.

Teh Googlz says that means:

Landlady also has a cabinet
From it smelled quite beastly.
Drin they preserved the beets,
by which they rJugenzeit
masturbation operated.

Um, what?

[Arneb]

Yes. German is easy to wreck...

...From which it reeked quite beastly.
In it she kept the beets
With which in her youth
She had done her masturbation.

[Lance]

Oh, yeah, now it makes sense.

No, really, it is no less weird.

[Enzo]

The wine had made her too sodden
They do that down in Baden-Baden
She found no one to meet
So she used a large beet
And a good time she said she had gotten.

There was a young frau from Berlin
With places for beets to go in
It was not her intent
That they would ferment
But the memory gave her a grin

How's that?

[Arneb]

Oh, yeah, now it makes sense.

No, really, it is no less weird.

It is a lot less weird if you put yourself in the shoes of students more than hundred years ago, who had their first wild, drucken nights out after two decades of repressive education. That'S the context the "landlady verses" come from.

[Lance]

I just have to wrap my head around the whole 'beating it with a beet' thing.

[Arneb]

Ah, well, silicone wasn't invented yet.

Also, coming from the context they come from (all-young-male student environment, getting out of a repressive family life), these verses are smutty for the sake of smuttiness. How about this one:

Frau Wirtin hat auch einen Sohn
Der konnte es bezeiten schon.
Kaum kroch er aus der Spalte,
dreht er sich auf dem Absatz um
Und vögelte die Alte.

[Lance]

Ah, well, silicone wasn't invented yet.

Also, coming from the context they come from (all-young-male student environment, getting out of a repressive family life), these verses are smutty for the sake of smuttiness. How about this one:

Frau Wirtin hat auch einen Sohn
Der konnte es bezeiten schon.
Kaum kroch er aus der Spalte,
dreht er sich auf dem Absatz um
Und vögelte die Alte.

Landlady also has a son
He directed it in time already.
As soon as he crawled out of the column,
he turns on his heel
And fucked the old.

I think I'm never going to get these.

[Arneb]

Landlady also had a son
Who could do it at an early age already
As soon as he had crept out of the crevice
He turned on his heels
And fucked the old one.

Is that NSFW or what?

[Lance]

Okay, that makes more sense. lol