Illuminati-R-Us

This was something that was discussed in our office today. These aren't the names of real horses, although they sound like they could well be - they're the names of horses in races you can bet on in the game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. I remember finding them hilarious at the time.

2nd Hand Sock
Accept the Length
Air Biscuit
Arthur or Martha
Axe Wound
Bankrupt Rage
Barkers Eggs
Barnton Bellbanger
Beanflicker
Beef Bandito
Biffin's Bridge
Billy Sastard
Bishop Basher
Bloated Bag
Bolt Shooter
Bronson
Bronx Cheer
Brown Eyed Girl
Buckmelad
Bush Bandit
Camel's Toe
Cauliflower Arse
Cheesy Chode
Cheesy Hornblower
Chocolate Channel
Chocolate Starfish
Chunder Munchkin
Chutney Bunker
Clown's Pocket
Cock Soup
Cocoa Shunter
Collar & Cuffs
Crack Horse
Cryptochid
Cunning Lingus
Dead Lemon
Dead Wipe
Diddy Ride
Dildonut & Burdock
Dong Johnson
Dr. Boogie
Duck My Sick
Dundee Ned
Facial Lancer
Fairy Hammock
Falkirk Boy
Filshie's Filly
Fingers and Tops
Five Finger Splay
Flange Spanner
Flaps Ahoy
Funbags
Gary's Gelding
Gentlmens Relish
Ginger Witch
Gypsy's Cat
Hairy Dyke
Handy Shandy
Hardly Flanged
Haway the Lads
Henrik's Jaw
Holy Colon
Hot Pants
Jackson's Lad
Jaques Yerlot
Jocks Away
Juice Trigger
Kelly's Boy
Kinnear's Demise
Knob Polisher
Knuckle Shuffle
Kohl Bunker
Les Long
Little Bishop
Lolly's Fern
Loose Pink
Lord Lucan
Love Burglar
Love Torpedo
Love Truncheon
Lush Gush
Mackem Delight
Mary Hinge
McTagnut & Fries
Melencholy Thatch
Monkey Puss
Monkey's Thumb
Mouse's Ear
Mr Winky
Neigh Bother
Neutered Nik
Ochayethenoo
One Eyed Warrior
Panhandle
Pearl's Necklace
Pearly Droplets
Pebbledash
Peking Twister
Piddle in Perspex
Pillow Biter
Priapism Willie
Purple Love
Reef's Folly
Reeves' Revenge
Ring of Fire
Rocinante
Run Away Jay
Saddam's Madam
Salt 'n' Sauce
Sarwar's Spray
Schlong Odds
Scotland Nil
Shatner's Bassoon
Shoot Me
Silvery Tear
Skittery Trots
Slap & Tickle
Smellyama
Spam Javelin
Spicy Mushroom
Split Kipper
Stained Rigid
Sterilized Steed
Stool Pigeon
Syphilitic Meat
Tagnut
Tester Turd
That's Bollocks
The Angry Captain
Tight Brown
Tummy Squeaker
Tunky Packer
Tunnel Tester
Turbot Tornado
Up The Dumper
Uphill Gardner
Venereal Dodger
Vineger Stroke
Watery Passage
Weasel Burglar
Wee Crunchie
Wet Cabbage
Wet Circle
Wizard's Sleeve
Wong's Wang
Yoghurt Cannon

A lot of them do show the Scottish origins of DMA/Rockstar North don't they?

If it isn't a spoonerism or an obvious reference to sex or ladyparts then just assume it is slang for sex or ladyparts. Or possibly gaysex or gayparts. Or gayladysex/parts.

Heid the Ba' wrote:If it isn't a spoonerism or an obvious reference to sex or ladyparts then just assume it is slang for sex or ladyparts. Or possibly gaysex or gayparts. Or gayladysex/parts.

That assumption works well with most of the names, but Bankrupt Rage? That's stretching it a bit, isn't it?

There is the odd one that probably means what it says. There are a few I have no idea what they mean.

And don't waste time trying to work out Lord Lucan. The 7th Earl was/is a noted gambler and nanny-murderer, the 3rd Earl was involved with the Charge of the Light Brigade.

Priapism Willie seems a little on the nose. Where's Moistened Bint?

Heid the Ba' wrote:A lot of them do show the Scottish origins of DMA/Rockstar North don't they?

Absolutely. I'm especially fond of Neigh Bother.

Salt'n'sauce confirms their east coast origins. Elsewhere in Scotland you put salt and vinegar on your chips, in the east it is salt and sauce, a vinegared down brown sauce.

Thread necromancy, but only just noticed it - Shatner’s Bassoon. A superb Brass Eye reference.

They missed out Ass Wipe at the start