I have to write two graduation speeches... suggestions?

[hippietrekx]

I knew I'd be writing a Baccalaureate speech for being the Salutatorian of my class, but yesterday I was informed that I'ld also have to write a speech for being Treasurer at the actual graduation commencement.

I'm the only double speaker. So, I need to know, what should each speech be about and how do I write them so that I'm not just repeating myself when I get to the second speech?

Oh, dillemmas. I actually have no idea what to write for either, because the last time I was at a graduation was ten years ago for my brother.

So, any help guys?

--hippie

[Dragon Star]

So many things I could say here to be mean, but I'll save it for MSN...

I dunno, your fake HS experience and how different things have changed you along the way for one of them?

I suck at these things...

[Superluminal]

I have no idea. But you have permission to use any of my lame jokes you want. :)

[troubleagain]

Well, my Salutatory speech (approximately 100 years ago) was about hope for the future. Maybe you could do one that concentrates on the fun, bonding, shared experiences, etc. and another that concentrates on the future?

[hippietrekx]

Maybe. I'll compare notes with the Valedictorian and class President to make sure we don't have the same stuff.

I just need stuff to have before we can be not the same.

[Lance]

See what they have, then use everything else.

[hippietrekx]

They don't have anything yet. We were all going to come up with ideas this weekend and then compare notes in AP Bio on Tuesday.

[Enzo]

I'm sorry, I know we usually have to sit through something from the 'torians. But from the TREASURER??? WHy on earth why?

I didn't want to waste my evening going to graduation from HS, but my folks made me go. Then my mother observed afterwards that I didn't look happy standing up there. Duh, mom, I said I'd rather pass.

Endless blather from teh school principal, the top student, and I forget who else. Don't think we heard from the treasurer though.

I would find very refreshing a speech that summed up all the speeches generically. Like all those post game and pre game interviews of sports teams and coaches, or the Miss America contests.

My fellow students, Principal SMith, all the cafeteria ladies, and of course everyone in accounting - I couldn't have done it without you guys. We are the future of the world, and we want nothing less than world peace, an end to disease, and fashionable clothing for everyone. If we just give 110% and fight poverty the way we know how to fight poverty, taking just one povert at a time, we can win this fight. We just have to execute our game plan, not think about the playoffs, and work hard, doing our jobs. There is no "I" in "team." Nor is there a "J" or a "Q," for that matter. There is no quit in us, (but there is an "i" in "quit.") we will work for world peace right up until the final second. I would like to drop some names now, so: Mother Teresa, Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Jerry Lewis, and all the Denver Nuggets. REmember, wherever you go in this world, there you are. Rotate your tires, and if you remember only one word, the word to remember is: "Plastics." I would now invite one and all to look through my speech for hints of plaigarisms while we all sing our school anthem, stolen from some college. Help control the pet population, have your pet spayed or neutered.

Thanks you and drive carefully.

[Heid the Ba]

Thank all the parents, then quote Philip Larkin. Hey, you're leaving, what can they do to you? :D

[umop ap!sdn]

there is an "i" in "quit."

There's also a U in "quit"

It is with regret, hippie, that I inform you that I cannot be of any help in this matter, for I know not what the terms Baccalaureate nor Salutatorian mean, nor the actual function of a Treasurer in such context. However, I would not have felt right hijacking your thread without at least saying a few words on topic to express my wish that I were able to assist.

(And it's Gandhi, not Ghandi. "Gahnd-hee". And not "Gondee" either in the way that so many people often mispronounce the name.)

[MM_Dandy]

Tell 'em, "War is hell, boys!"

Or quote Shakespeare: "When shall we <insert number> meet again, in thunder, lightning, or in rain?"

Alright, so I don't have any good ideas, either. Good luck, anyway, hippie.

[Dragon Star]

*Approaches podium and clears throat*

"Mooooooo. *pause*

Thank you."

*Departs podium*

[hippietrekx]

I don't know WHY the treasurer has to speak, either. Makes no sense to me, I've never heard of it done before and can't find any mention on the internet. Maybe they want me to do something specific? Hell, I don't know. I'll ask the class advisor (like she'll know *anything* anyway...).

Meanwhile... I have to get all this stuff approved by Principal Parker (he's not my pal...). If I read something from Larkin (though, I do like it) that I didn't run by him, they can pull me off the stage and not hand me my diploma with everyone else, make me go to a Saturday school and mark it on my record. Ooooh. Mom would be pissed about the diploma thing, and SHE could make my life hell. So yeah, gotta be a *little* serious.

I think I'll start with a quote to eat time and have some direction. I need some direction to get that direction first. Oh, joy.

Umop, I'll give you a little bit of a run-down. Baccalaureate is a church service/oration by several class members and administrators who know us well that preceeds the Graduation. Salutatorian is the person who is runner-up to Valedictorian.

--hippie, wish it was actually possible to use some of your guys suggestions

[pmcolt]

I wish I could help, but my recollection of my own HS graduation is pretty fuzzy. I remember our co-valedictorians both gave a speech, but I don't recall a speech from the salutatorian, let alone the treasurer.

If it has to be approved by the principal, you'll probably have to go the boring formulaic route:

"It's so hard to believe that we're finally graduating. After all, it seems like just yesterday that $Moderately_Amusing_Anecdote_About_Valedictorian, and that Principal $Name was telling me that <voice="bad imitation of principal>$Misquote_Of_Principal</voice>. Today we say goodbye to high school; we say goodbye to getRandomHSMemory(), getRandomHSMemory(), and, of course, to getRandomHSMemory(). We step forward into the future, where blah blah blah, thanks to the teachers and staff, self-congratulatory praise of the students, uplifting tripe that everyone tunes out, but that the parents pretend to love. Thank you and congratulations to us all."


If you're feeling really creative, write the speech in a poetic form, like a sonnet or a villanelle or something. Probably the only unusual thing anyone will notice is that your speech is shorter than most. (Especially if you write it as a haiku.)

If it weren't for fear of your principal, not getting your diploma, and your mother's wrath, I'd say start your treasury speech as a boring summary of fundraising events and expenditures, then stop and shout crazily into the microphone, "I can't keep this secret any longer! The treasury is a lie! The administration is funneling all of our bake sale proceeds towards reverse-engineering a spacecraft that crashed in our football field!" Then duck out of the way of the imagined sniper and rush off the stage. Y'know, give the people their money's worth.

[Lance]

[hippietrekx]

OMG! Pmcolt, I LOVE it, but craps, in three years as treasurer, I have NEVER gotten one receipt or total from the bank because our advisors didn't seem to think that I needed to have information.

I don't have the vaugest idea of what's going on. I've done more with handling money in Moose's make-shift prom savings account in one of my wallets than ever have "serving" my class.

So, shouldn't the advisor be talking then?

[Enzo]

DO the whole speech imitating the voice of Ben Stein.

He is that droning monotone from the Clear Eyes commercials on TV and is also the teacher calling "Beuler...Beuler..." from Ferris Beuler movie.


Or better yet, tell a shaggy dog story. That is a story that sounds like you are telling a long joke or something, except the story has no point...

"That reminds me of a time sophomore year, right after the fall homecoming game, when three friends and I were walking in downtown Morenci. We were wearing warm jackets, and the weather was not too cold. We passed by the drugstore, and looked in the window.

Thank you."

Then watch the audience as they look at one another going wha?


Do you actually get your diploma on stage? They handed us a plain sheet of paper rolled up with a ribbon around it. Just to have something to hand out. The real diplomas came in the mail.


Don't let them scare you, at this point you are already accepted by a college, and unless you vandalize the cafeteria, or beat someone up, they won't care if you have a graduation stunt "in your record."

[hippietrekx]

DO the whole speech imitating the voice of Ben Stein.

He is that droning monotone from the Clear Eyes commercials on TV and is also the teacher calling "Beuler...Beuler..." from Ferris Beuler movie.


Or better yet, tell a shaggy dog story. That is a story that sounds like you are telling a long joke or something, except the story has no point...

"That reminds me of a time sophomore year, right after the fall homecoming game, when three friends and I were walking in downtown Morenci. We were wearing warm jackets, and the weather was not too cold. We passed by the drugstore, and looked in the window.

Thank you."

Then watch the audience as they look at one another going wha?


Do you actually get your diploma on stage? They handed us a plain sheet of paper rolled up with a ribbon around it. Just to have something to hand out. The real diplomas came in the mail.


Don't let them scare you, at this point you are already accepted by a college, and unless you vandalize the cafeteria, or beat someone up, they won't care if you have a graduation stunt "in your record."

Lol, Ben Stein would be good, but my voice is too high.

The school being angry doesn't bother me. Just my mom. She lives with me. Yikes.

[Enzo]

Too high for Ben Stein (who went to my high school, by the way)? Then do it as Fran Drescher. (The Nanny)

Tell your mom this really charming guy in Lansing told you to do it... you had no choice. Then send in Jimmy to finish her off. He's a charmer-in-training.



Ooh ooh ooh!!!

Helium!! Go out with some helium balloons and deliver the speech in helium talk.

Or maybe just the "thank you and good night" at the end. Trust me, it would bring down the house. Easy to set up too. No one would give a second thought if you had one of those shiny mylar balloons that say something like "congratulations '07" tied to you. At the end of the talk, solemnly pull down the balloon, take a toke, and speak your goodbye. I love it.

When I was a kid we didn't have helium yet, the universe was still mostly hydrogen.


Down at the corner near where I work is a dollar store, and for a long time they had a large sign in a window that read, "HUILUM BALLOONS." I guess they must have gone through Lansing Schools. SO I have a special soft spot for huilum.

[hippietrekx]

Lol, I don't think Jimmy would charm MY mom. One time he was being nutty and said, "I love you mommy!" to her and she replied by yelling "NO! No, God, NO!" I get the impression that mommy doesn't approve of him. ha ha.

The problem with Fran is that my voice is too low. I've got this weird not so girly, but not so manly voice. It's like a twelve year old boy's voice. Lower that and girls' voices, but it hasn't cracked yet. Eh. Whatever.

Update on topics: The valedictorian has claimed dibs on the "we rock" concept (Meaning she rambles about state wrestling champs in our grade and me going to international science fair.). So, that's one less for me to narrow down. I wasn't thinking of that anyway. President won't come up with his till the last minute. That's just him: slacker.

One of these days I think I'm going to run out to the busses before they leave (our advisor is one of the bus drivers) and see if I can't drop the stupid treasurer speech. I don't see the point, or any other references on the interweb to a treasurer speech...

--hippie