Illuminati-R-Us

Another game heading down the shitter due to rain. Australia beat Pakistan yesterday in another game neither seemed particularly keen to win.

The entirety of the first four weeks of this competition is to ensure that none of the big money teams go out in a shock result. Three of the four semi-finalists will be India, Eng-ger-lund and Australia. For the fourth toss a coin between Kiwistan and the WIndies. Pakistan aren't consistent enough, Sri Lanka are on the slide and the Saffers are amusingly bad. Bangla and Afghanistan aren't good enough.

WIndies -v- England at the moment, England are winning but two of their players have managed to injure themselves, so good all round. As a bonus misogynist and cunt Chris Gayle played badly for the WIndies.

India beat Pak in the biggest game in the world.

Bangla beat the WIndies easily and in a further bonus misogynist and cunt Chris Gayle was out for a thirteen ball duck then bowled appallingly.

England lost to the Lankans yesterday, they should still make the semi finals but it got just a little bit harder for them.

India toiling against the Afghans, they should still win though.

They did, but that was much closer than anyone thought it would be. If you can find it anywhere watch it. Or at least catch the highlights.

Kiwis are looking good against the WIndies.

England still have to play the three sides above them, NZ, Oz and India. They could conceivably win all three or lose all three. More likely is winning one or two. One win and they might go out if Pak or the Lankans get on a roll. Pak just humped the Saffers who have been very ordinary indeed all tournament and are now out.

Convict Colony -v- The Brexiteers today so we all know the correct result for that one, sorry Tubes. England have winnowed out the various Antipodeans who used to play for them but their best bowler was born in Barbados and their captain is a Mick.

Oz batted ok, but not terribly well, England are doing their best to piss away any chance of winning.

England pissed away their chance, they now have to beat one or possibly both of India and Kiwistan.

Have I mentioned yet that Scotland would have been in this competition but were shafted by shitty umpiring? We would have lost all nine games but the important thing is that we were shafted by shitty umpiring. As usual.

Pakistan are working over the Kiwis, which is good as it keeps Pakistan in the hunt to finish ahead of England, and means the Kiwis have to win their other games.

England -v- India today, a win for India and England will need to beat Kiwistan to have a chance of going through. My preferred option would be for England to lose today and then the later game to be rained off. Just pettiness since their aren’t days set aside for cancelled games, for no good reason and other teams are out the running with one or two games cancelled.

Fucking England and the fucking ICC. Imagine a team that only wins if they play in a dome on astroturf. They are the home team in a competition held outdoors on grass. The home team is heading out so the neutral organisers bizarrely arrange an outdoors grass pitch that plays exactly like an indoor astroturf pitch. How very odd.

England could go out today if the Kiwis beat them. A couple of years ago NZ would be the favourites but not now, it does depend a bit on whether England get a pitch to suit them.

I suspect your silence is due not only to your rowing holiday...

Interesting article in Der Spiegel today titled "At long last, back to the British Empire" (Endlich wieder British Empire). Tldr: England is hoping that a win in the Final against Kiwistan will foster a bold attitude towards the former colonies and Europe in the way of "see, we win at cricket, we can pull through no-deal". I don't know what is more stupid, the article itself or the attitude it describes - gaining national confidence from winning a single One Day Inernational, in a country that has a TV audience of less than a million for Cricket World Cup matches. Please.

In any case, good luck to tubeswellington's Army.

That is a very stupid worldview. It did have more with being on holiday. But they are cunts, the only way they tied was with four overthrows off Stoke’s bat. They got pitches to suit them when they needed it.

The Mog has already tweeted about how winning rounders for alcoholics shows Britain doesn’t need Europe. Jesus H Fuck.