14 Actual Announcements By Flight Attendants

[Lance]

14 Actual Announcements By Flight Attendants. This Is How It Should Be.

"To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into
the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every
other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to
operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in
public unsupervised."

"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising
altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights.
This is for your comfort and to enhance the
appearance of your flight attendants."

"Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If
you're going to leave anything, please make sure
it's something we'd like to have."

"Thank you for flying on our airline. We hope you
enjoyed giving us the business as much as we
enjoyed taking you for a ride."

"Please take care when opening the overhead
compartments because, after a landing like that,
we're sure as hell everything has shifted."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop
screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
face. If you have a small child traveling with you,
secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If
you are traveling with more than one small child,
pick your favorite."

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with
some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them
fixed before we arrive. Thank you"

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and
in the event of an emergency water landing, please
paddle to shore and take them with our
compliments."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of
your belongings. Anything left behind will be
distributed evenly among the flight attendants.
Please do not leave children or spouses."

"United Airlines is pleased to announce that we
have some of the best flight attendants in the
industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this
flight."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to your
destination. Please remain in your seats with your
seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's
left of our airplane to the gate."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your
seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have
brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the
gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the
warning bells are silenced, we will open the door
and you can pick your way through the wreckage to
the terminal."

"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the
smoking section on this airplane is outside on the
wing. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us
today. And, the next time you get the insane urge
to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized
metal tube, we hope you'll think of United Airlines."

[Enzo]

Yeah!!

I used to fly a small airline from Detroit to Akron a lot. (and back) Tiny little Piper Navajo Chieftain twin engines. Like an SUV in the sky, it holds eight passengers plus the two pilots up front. it never flies over 8000 feet and is not pressurized, so the windows are large, plus you can see out the front, between the pilots. Being such a small plane, the preflight safety announcement was simply the copilot turning around in his seat and talking to us.

On one trip, the guy neglected to tell us the seat cushions were also flotation devices. So I raised my hand and asked, "Um, in the unlikely event of a water landing, could I use my seat cushion as a flotation device?" He just gave me a tired look, and turned back around front. We never did land in water, so I am unsure...


Looking out the front is cool, in a regular jetliner you never notice things. Like yawing into the crosswind, you are flying along and your destination is off to the side, and at the last moment, he straightens it out to touch down.

[Lianachan]

Looking out the front is cool, in a regular jetliner you never notice things. Like yawing into the crosswind, you are flying along and your destination is off to the side, and at the last moment, he straightens it out to touch down.

It certainly is much better. I've had several flights like that, including some in the aircraft at the airport in this pic.