by Enzo » Tue May 16, 2006 5:26 am
I survived.
I went in for the "procedure" this morning. After the nice lady at the desk assured me that yes indeed they had heard every possible joke regarding the process, I managed not to try anyway. But I did ask the nurse if the surgical gown made my butt look big. Of course by then my old lady was in the room and she said "No, it does that all on its own." Dumb broad anyway.
They were right, the worst part was the preparation. Had to take milk of magnesia a couple nights - joy. Then for the last 24 hours, no solid food, just clear liquids. And twice that evening I had to drink a bottle of "Fleet Phospho-soda", along with 12 ounces of water. Let me just say that the Fleet people have come up with a stunningly effective laxative. DOn't drink it and wander off too far. Wow. I had no idea...
Last four hours, not even water. So I walk into the place promptly at 7AM - hungry and thirsty, and right inside the door, the first thing I see is a couple sitting at a table with a box of Krispy Kremes, chowing down. Bastids. Signs above all the water fountains proclaimed that if we drank anything, our procedure would be delayed or cancelled. Considering what I went through to get to that point, it was no small threat.
"Go in there and take everything off - you can leave on your socks." OK. Then they connected me to the monitoring machine so it could make all the beeps and squiggles. I don't know what any of them meant, but I got lots of numbers. Out comes the needle. "OK, this might sting for a second." "Hey, I'm a tough guyYYYYYY!!" NAh, it was OK.
Then they spread a little flannel sheet over me. Bless their hearts, the thing was HOT. I gotta get a sheet heater for the homestead. AFter a while just hanging out, the Anesthesia guy comes in to do his routine and ask me the same questions everyone else had asked several times. Then he asks me if I had any questions. Naturally I asked him, "Sure, what's the capital of Nebraska?" He didn't know, the nurses didn't know. He wandered off and said he could find out - he had internet.
In a bit they wheeled me in - at some speed I might add - to the operating theater. (The whole world's a stage) Seemed chilly in there. There was a large video monitor on either side of me, and this machine had a long dark tube hanging from it. I could only imagine it was... the machine. I notied the image on the monitors was this sort of pebbly looking pattern like the surface of mars or something, then I realized the tube was aiming at the floor, and I was getting a nice close view of the floor tile.
Roll over on your side. OK. Anesthesia boy starts the drip and tells me we're on our way. I didn't have to count backwards, but he did say to me, "Omaha?" Nope. I was starting to fade. SO I said, "Here's a clue - a penny for your thoughts." "Lincoln!" was the last thing I heard.
Just like they predicted, next thing I knew, I woke up in the recovery room. Amazing to me I didn't feel groggy in the slightest. Nurse tried to foist apple juice on me, but I held out for OJ. Then another nurse disconnected the tubes and wires. Doctor came in and showed me the interior pictures. I'm all pink inside.
No polyps - that's good. Last thing guy wants is a coral reef growing in there. Nope, not atoll. Doc says looks good and we need to do it again.... in five years.
I told the old lady the nurses were darned attractive. She couldn't hit me at the time, would have knocked some of the plumbing off me. Hopefully she won't remember tomorrow.
Bleemie I was famished, so we ran over to the local joint for a stack of pancakes - extra syrup. My dear wife bought me breakfast. WHich was a treat, since all day Mother's Day I couldn't eat anything. SO much for a nice Mother's Day dinner for two. We got home and made all the jokes I couldn't make at the place. We have such fun.
This is something that everyone should have done at some point, colorectal cancer is a major killer. it really wasn't bad at all. There was no after effect discomfort. A bit of flatulence since they puffed some pressure in there to expand things a bit. But no internal discomfort from the probes, and no..entry point... discomfort either. The worst really was the fasting.
When it comes up your turn, just do it, no big.